Difficult conversations are often necessary conversations. Even though most of us cringe at the thought of speaking to a boss or irritating family member, more times than not, having that unpleasant conversation bears fruit. It can clear the air of misunderstandings and at the least, provide a means to keep the relationship moving forward.
Approximately half of the population (Facilitators and Trackers) find it especially difficult to initiate a difficult conversation. They tend to be more reserved and hold emotion internally rather than speaking up and addressing conflict. However, when they do initiate a difficult conversation they tend to be gracious and promote a dialogue rather than simply talk at the other person, airing their grievances.
The other half of the population (Directors and Encouragers) have less challenge starting those difficult conversations. They are less averse to conflict but they can struggle with being patient and listening to the other individual. They can often dominate a conversation and it becomes a monologue.
So when you must have a difficult conversation, log into your TwoRelate account and review your communication profile along with that of the other person. The Reducing Conflict Reports will be especially helpful in this process. In the meantime, here are 5 general principles for how to start a difficult conversation.
- Don’t start the conversation if you are overly angry. Anger can overwhelm your ability to think rationally and support a healthy outcome.
- Define what the “real” problem is. Often when we start a difficult conversation, we don’t have a good sense of what is bothering us or upsetting the other person.
- Seek mutual understanding. That means listen to the other parties perspective and don’t dismiss their feelings right away. Listening more than speaking is always a good policy.
- Ask a trusted friend for their advice about how to have the conversation.
- Log into TwoRelate and view the person’s Communication Profile or if they are not in your “friend” group, profile them yourself and learn about their communication style. Go to Profile a Friend and take the survey.
Last, it is always important to ask yourself if you need to change as well. Communication and relationships are two-way streets. No one is perfect and to improve any relationship, we need to be able to admit fault and adjust behavior.
